I think it has been ages and ages since I posted anything, everyone must thing I faded away.....

I guess blogging served its purpose for me for awhile, it was an outlet when I needed one the most. Then I just kind of drifted away from it. Never seem to have the time to type.

I thought since I was sitting here and it is quite I would check in on some old friends and see if scratch has written any more cool stories.

I guess I have been feeling really lost lately. I keep thinking that all of the things that have happened to me lately is the universes way of pushing me back on the right track or teaching me some profound lesson I am just not getting. It is like a darkness has just gotten a hold of me and I am not sure how to step out of the clouds.

We were in a car accident in the beginning of May. We had just come home from Canada's Wonderland where we had a fun day. We were just minutes from our house when we were crossing through an intersection and a kid made a left turn into our drivers side of our van. We ended up leaving the road, hitting a pole down the drivers side and up a hill where we crashed into the back of a building.

No one was majorly hurt thank God and my angle mother. The van was toast. We are now dealing with the nightmare of car insurance and personal injury. We all (kids included) have whiplash and Grace Sean and I have back pain. Pain in the ass is more like it. They just make the whole process so difficult. Are you hurt enough seems to be the big question. My poor baby girl, only just turned 5 and she has to deal with back and neck pain! My son seems to be the least hurt but the most emotionally damaged. They were asleep before the first hit and he was in the middle so woke up to see this brick wall coming at us. He does not like to talk about it. He does not like to talk to the Chiropractor about how he is feeling or if anything hurts. He says "i am ok i am not hurt from the accident and I don't want to talk about it" I am putting him in therapy this week to work it out.

Sean is hurt and has been not working full time. He has a lot of emotional issues over the accident. He is still stressed over the whole thing. He thinks about it alot. What he could have done different. The other driver has been charged with fault but he still feels bad because his family was hurt and we are his responsibility.

I am just frutrated. It is me dealing with all the insurance stuff and short term work agents. I want to tell them all to kiss my ass, we did not cause this accident yet we are the ones with the misery.

The other day I went to take out our old van and as I got to the end of the driveway and hit the brakes the van was not stopping. It ended up that the brake lines rusted and all the fluid leaked out. Thank god again we were in the driveway and not on the road.

I see the blessings here. We were lucky we were not hurt badly or a lot worse then we are but why? Everything happens for a reason right? Everything has a purpose or a message so what am I missing?

I have been so pessimistic lately and I see my 8 year old boy picking up on it. He is so negative lately. I realized the other day he sounds just like me! It is a terrible feeling to know you influenced someone in that way. I don't want him to be like that, always seeing the bad not the good. I felt so bad.

How do I lift this cloud and get back on the path and find my balance?

I miss my mom so much. During this whole ordeal I just kept thinking, if she was here she would help me, she would take of me and help me take care of my family. My Dad is very into his own life. Can not blame him I guess. I guess though in her own way she is taking care of us. I believe that. At the accident the windows shattered and Sean and I had glass on us but the kids did not. I found the guardian angle pin she gave us all for our cars that you put on your visor between the kids seats. I like to think she got the angles to shield the kids so they would not get glass on them.

I need her direction. I need her hug. I wish I felt that comfort of knowing when someone has your back.

Ok baby girl in the house now whining about having no friends (she has sooo many) so I will take her up for her bath...

Later
Queenie