Hello All

Lets see, what is new…..

My son’s birthday is next weekend. I have only heard from one of his five school friends. It bugs me. I wish people would respond to an invitation either way. Oh well. I have gotten the goodie bags ready for all the kids. I just need to finish up some of the things.

Had a talk to Sean about the dog. Well can’t really say it was a “talk”. I talked to him about finding the dog a home and he just got mad. I tried to tell him all my points and that the guy who walks the dog found a possible home for him. Was not a very productive conversation to say the least. He was just really mad. I told him the main thing is if he wants to keep the dog he has to put in an effort. Take him off of the rope in the house, take him for walks ect. I don’t always want to be the one who has to look after the dog.

My Dad and I had a huge blow up this week. I guess it was all for the best. We pretty much came to an understanding. He says he just wants a quite stress free life. He wants to live his own life and we all live ours. He does not want to hear about my problems/fights or anything. Ok fine. I said if the is what you want. It is hard because we were all so close when my mom was alive. She was my friend, we talked about everything. I guess it is time I realized he is my Dad not my friend. I was a little hurt but I think it will be better for everyone.

So I started to eat healthier a few weeks ago. I have lost ten pounds so far. Need to work harder cause I still have a long way to go but it is a start. My cloths fit a little better now so that makes me happy.

Have not been able to sleep very well lately. Have been going to bed to late. Need to work on getting more sleep.

I guess all and all everything has been ok. Just can not wait till spring……….

Queenie

Hey there everyone, no I did not fall off of the world or anything hehehe.

I took a break from blogging, I guess I did not feel the need for a bit.

I am so stuck on ebay. I think Sean and I cruse it like everyday. I got a bunch of stuff for my sons party. I have to say thought, it is funny how one place in the USA takes 5 days to ship me something where another place in the USA takes three weeks! One of my things has gone missing :( major decoration stuff. I think I need a USA contact person to have this stuff sent to then shipped to me!!!

My kids are out with my sister right now. No we are not officially talking yet because she has not apologized to me. She called to ask if she could drop the kids off their valentine presents and take them to the show today. I suspect my father had a hand in that but oh well. I would never stop her from seeing the kids just because I am upset with her.

I have been thinking about finding a good home for my dog. Sean and I have had this conversation many times. It is always me who wants to find him a home and Sean that says no way. But I have been thinking about it a lot. He is tied up most of the time unless I let him off the rope. Sean never does on his off days for what ever reason. The dog just takes up the whole kitchen. We can not put a kitchen table in the kitchen because of him being there on the rope ect. Then there is the cost of maintaining him…. I don’t know, part of me feels sad because I love my dog and want to keep him but then part of me sees just how much easier life would be if I found him a good home. He deserves a better life. So now I don’t know what to do……

Sean and I are ok. He has been sick lately with a head cold. Really kicked the crap out of him. I am trying to work with him to make our relationship better. Talking listening to Dr.Phil. I say oh I read this…. and he gets this glazed look in his eyes. What is it about men eh? I just want to have a more fulfilling relationship. Want to connect more not just exist. Want to enjoy my life and improve my sex life but boy oh boy is that another story…..

I lost 5 pounds. Yeah ho. I decided enough was enough. I don’t want to get more over weight and have health problems like my mom and my grand mother. Both of them died young from weight related issues. My coworker did weight watchers and has kind of been my guide. I ate chocolate last night and god did I feel guilty. But I am not falling off the wagon just yet. I would love to loose about 40 eventually but baby steps…..

Ok well I am gona close and start cooking chicken for dinner. Will check out some blogs later…..

Queenie

It seems like forever since I posted a message or read anyone else’s. Just got busy I guess....

Lets see what is new....

Ayden joined Science Club in school. He is very excited about that. It is only for 5 weeks but he has not really had interest in joining anything before so I encouraged this. They are going to be doing experiments and such. It will be good for him. He has a mini lab in his room with a bunch of dissected bugs he exams under his microscope.

He has not been getting zero's lately. So much for that. I guess Santa’s magic wore off! He is not "bad" in school, she says he is disruptive. He is a joker in the class and makes the kids laugh. We talked about this last night. Problem is we talk about behaviour and reactions and such and I tell him you are responsible for your own reactions to things, people can't "make" you do something (referring to him and his sister 'she made me do it') So he tells me the teacher said that it is Ayden’s fault the class is disrupted and he made everyone laugh.

So he says but mom you said everyone is responsible for their own actions and no one can make you do something. I did not tell the kids to laugh. Good Point Ayden.

I think his teacher is up tight anyway. Not saying that he does not maybe interrupt stuff and be silly but I think she blows things out of proportion some times.

I am officially and Ebay-er now. I have bought some Pokemon stuff for Ayden. Lord shipping is a lot. At first I was only looking to buy from Canada but it really limited me. But shipping and handling from the US can be so much more then what you are buying.....

I have a plan though. I am looking at Pokemon stuff. Ayden's birthday party theme. I have gotten some cards and party supplies. I figured instead of going to the dollar store to buy prizes for games, I get a bunch of Pokemon cards and give them out as prizes. They would probably like that so much more.

Problem is, I got my first batch yesterday. Ok call me softy but initially I told Ayden he could go through them to see if there were any he really needed but I wanted to use most of them for the loot bags. Well I got 60 cards and I don't want to show them to him. I was thinking how I could go about letting him have like 10 and save 50 for the bags (5 card per bag and 10 kids)

But as a collector of things myself I don't want to give in and let him have more because he is collecting them. I have not figured out what to do yet so I have hid them till I figure it out

Kids are sick again. Ayden is really getting knocked down. Feel bad for him. Told Sean to let him stay home from school today to snuggle on the couch and play video games. Gracie started with the "my ear hurts" I told Sean to take them to the clinic today...

I am staying over at my friends house tonight to get my hair done. My hair, oh lord. It is just blaa. I used to have it long ish one length a bit past my shoulders. It just hangs there because it is so thin. So one day I decided to take the plunge and got it chopped off. Problem was when it started growing back I went back to a different person (first one not available anymore) and she did not do it the same. It is so bad now. So my friend is gona "fix me"

Been listening to Dr. Phil a lot lately. He is a pretty smart guy. A lot of the stuff he says makes sense.

Ok should go back to work now....

Take care bloggers

Kenna

Hi All,

My day was great up until about 730pm when my sister called me. So much back history here that I will save for another blog...

Anyway, I called her earlier in the day to talk to her about my Dad's wedding. Denise wants us to stand for her and any input we have she would like.

Was I so not ready for the toxic waste that came out of her mouth....

She is sarcastic right off the bat. She is like "you think I am going to stand in their wedding with our mother watching down from Heaven, like I would want her to see that"

It pretty much got ugly from there....

I am like what are you talking about? why are you so angry? Do you have a direct problem with me or Dad because if it is with Dad then you need to talk to him and not dump your negative shit on me.

She basically told me she thinks it is bad they are having a wedding, they should just go to the justice of the peace. She would NEVER stand in their wedding and she is not surprised I am or that I am getting involved. I said what is that suppose to mean? Apparently I am a suck up to my Dad and disrespecting my mothers memory by being so "OK" with all of this.

I am like WTF?

Dad only visits me apparently. Now I have to say right here and right now, you get out of a relationship what you put into it. I work on my relationship with my Dad. It has not always been rosy. I call him on the phone he does not always call me and I drive my ass to his house. She never visits him. So what ever that problem their is her and his issue not mine. She is jealous for stupid reasons....

Then the death blow, the reason I am NEVER EVER speaking to her again.

"so I heard you are coaxing the kids to call Denise Nanny, how could you" I am like again WTF? I said not that it is any of your business but I told the kids they were getting married and Ayden was so happy he ASKED me if he could call her Nanny. She is like well why could not he call her something else like Grand mother why does it have to be Nanny, I am like what is the difference….

She goes well do you even ever bother to talk to them about Ma anymore? Mom thought the world of your kids and you repay her memory by having someone replace her ect ect…

I was so mad. I said you know what? Where the hell have you been? You knew the kids were hurting so much from loosening Ma and where the hell were you? Do you come to see them EVER? If you don’t want to bother with me I can deal with it but you never bother with the kids? No and what did they ever do.

And don’t you tell me about my mothers memory or my depth of grief. I do what she would want which is get up and brush my stuff off and move forward. My kids are my world. She would expect me to put them and their happiness first. I do that. They have a wonderful relationship with their Grandfather and Denise who has opened up her heart to my kids and given them something they needed. They are happy.

Then I stopped. I thought screw this, I don’t need to explain myself to her.

So I hung up on her

Then I started to cry. Sob actually. I called my Dad, something she said I always do. I called him at Denise’s house and he was not there so she is like WTF? Ok not really F but what is wrong? I told her then I called my Dad.

I don’t know why my sister was so hateful. I don’t know why she did that. It was so mean. She made me doubt myself for a second. Was I doing something wrong? Then I thought no. You can not measure your grief to someone else. You can be mad cause someone does not appear as SAD as you are.

To question my grief for my Mom hurt but to throw in the part of kids. No. She crossed the line and I am not going to forgive her.

I am not talking to her again. I have gone through enough in my life that I do not need her toxic self. I think you should look at your blessing and live life to the fullest. Make the best of what life throws at you. I did that. I do that.

I cried all night. My son is like why are you crying (he snuck down the stairs) I said I am cooking with onions, he is like ok mom can you tell me the truth now. I was blown away. Only 7 years old. I of course did not tell him. It is not a child’s place to be involved in grown up problems. I told him I was talking to a friend and I was upset with her. He believed me which is good.

Ok Bloggers, I am going to go back to work now, wanted to get that off of my chest.

Queenie

Hi

Today was a good day. I started out watching the 40 year old virgin movie on the bus on the way to work. OMG it is so funny. I thought the poor bus driver thought I was crazy laughing in the silence of the bus (had on my head phones), work was ok. Looked up a lot of pokemon ideas for Ayden's birthday and got a plan on how I am going to listen to my Dr. Phil Family First CD. Laughed a lot at work today, my co-workers were cracking jokes all over the place. On the way home I thought I was going to miss the bus but the light turned red so I caught it!!

Wow what a day......

The kids are co-operating (ok kinda but as good as they can be)
Even the dog is listening! I told him not to come up the stairs and stay at the bottom and wait for me and he did it!

maybe I should be buying a lotto ticket today!

Sean is not home which sucks but I have to get used to this shift change. I think I will put out the garbage and recycling for him. Then again, it is really cold and I have to do homework with Ayden....

Funny, the dog is laying on his back with his ball in his hands holding it above him mouth chewing on it. If you did not know the dog, between his body size and his big set of chompers he could be pretty scary except when you say "come here mommies little wobby baby" and he puts his head down and snuggles you!!!

Ah all is well in the world tonight....

Sleep tight my blogger friends

Queenie