I decided that I have to be more positive. Make things better.
That is the most important thing right, to make the decision?

Go forward, work on stuff, get a plan.

I was listening to Dr Phil CD Family First, in it he says

” you can only achieve what you believe you deserve “

How profound is that…..

So if you think you do not deserve something you set yourself up to fall right off of the bat.

Funny, I am sitting here trying so hard to be positive and not over whelmed as the kids run around screaming fighting and Ayden just dropped a whole box of cereal down the basement stairs. Breath breath breath breath……..

I think this thinking positive this is much easier to do when it is quite.

Ok lets start again, I just chased the kids upstairs with a warning of forever grounding if they bug me for the next 10 minutes. So much for positive….

Anyway, so I start with my weight. Oh lordy. I have gained weight over the last little while that has got me very concerned. Weight is a big thing to me (no pun intended) because my Mom and Grandmother were both obese and died of related causes. I don’t’ want to be fat and die. On Friday I was talking to a friend who was in Weight Watchers about food ect and another friend got involved in the conversation. She said she used to be where I am. She said she wanted to help me. She knows a lot about food and stuff. So I figure this is the first step in getting some help/guidance I need…….

I did a reading with my Angle cards on the weekend. I dabble in that a bit. I was shuffling and was asking my Mom to give me guidance the card that popped out of the deck was Balance. I think my Mom is trying to help me out but showing me the thing that should be obvious to me.

Next I guess is my husband. We have some intimacy issues. He is very hard to talk to about most subjects but this one is particularly hard. I sent him an email the other day saying what I was feeling. I think it was a good thing (we have not completely discussed it yet) but it gives him an opportunity to think about what I said and get his thoughts in order to answer me at a later date. That way he is not pressured to give a response on the spot.

Being tired, this is a toughie. I am trying to be better with going to bed on time. I started taking Wake up pills sometimes. I have to be careful with them because about two years ago I kinda got addicted to them. I was having a lot of other issues and the fatigue was a lot worse. Now I use them on the weekends only sometimes when I need a little help to get going.

My kids, this is a work in progress and I guess will be for the rest of our lives. As Ayden is sitting on the basement stairs flicking cereal down them. I am debating whether or not to spank him all the way up the stairs or just tell him to cut it out again for the fifth time….

Oh well I guess we can not be positive about every single thing at once right!!!!!

Well my blogger friends, my quite time has ended. I have to go suck it up and clean up my house. My nieces are not over this weekend and I have to clean stinky’s cage…..

Take care and will check in with you all later………

Queenie

Hi,

I figure if I write out all my frustrations it will be like getting them all off my chest and out of my system.
Then I can stop dwelling on them…..

I HATE COMMUTING, LIVING IN BARRIE CAN SUCK

Yesterday my bus ride was 3 hours. That was just on the way home. We had freezing rain and traffic on the highway was pretty much at a stand still. When we got there it was a skating rink to try to get across the parking lot. Then the joy of chipping frozen ice off of your van. Yippee. I later learned from my husband that my procedure of hitting my scrapper off of the ice to make it crack is not a good idea. It can apparently crack your windshield. Although in retrospect I do understand at the time it was “are you fing kidding me? Was I suppose to stand there all friggen night scrapping down the bloody layers!”.

Did not pick up the kids from the sitters till almost 7pm. Order pizza on visa that we really could not afford but I was not cooking at 7pm since I had to spend most of that time outside putting down salt as hubby tried to get the van up the ice rink otherwise known as our driveway into the garage so this morning when I left I would not have to try and scrape it.

On the way to work this morning on the radio the announcer was saying “fun ride home tonight for all you commuters, rain turning to snow to flurries by tomorrow morning we will have another 25 cm of snow”

UGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUGUG

This is what I get for moving up North and working in the city. And did my city friends get any freezing rain? Of course not…..

Ok I feel better now

All I can say is if we get a shit load of snow, I am calling in sick tomorrow!!!!!!!

Queenie

Good Morning,

Feeling shitty today, Sean told me last night they are changing the shifts at Home Depot all across the board.
The choice is 7-4 or 11-8. He took 11-8 during the week because if he took the earlier shift he would have to
drop the kids at the sitter at 6:30am and I don't think the babysitter can take them that early not to mention it could cost
us more money that we can not already afford.

So starting next week 11-8. I said I will be a single parent again. He will not get home till 8:30pm at least.
He will not be home to help me do anything with the kids. I was so pissed I went to be at 8pm last night. I know
it is not his fault and I understand the reasoning behind it but I was so angry. The weekends will be 11-8 a lot and
occasionally 7-4 but he said they can not just give him early shifts on the weekends because everyone wants them.

Just feel like I am stuck doing everything most of the time now, I feel like I am always on my own. We decided years
ago about these opposite days off for the sake of babysitting and now we have to keep them partly because of money
and partly because he is lucky enough to get consistent days off as it is. Most people get random days off and not even
always together and that would not work for babysitting or the kids.

I was thinking the other day how to change our routine to be better, to do more for myself, maybe excersie ect but now
I think when will I possibly have time for that? I am so tired all the time now from the stupid commute then to come home
and cook and homework and bath all by myself just feels so over whelming. At least when Sean got home at 6:30pm I
would sometimes say "ok I am burnt out, you do baths". Now it will be him home at 8:30 every night except for Thursday
and Friday.

Weekends are a bust. I am going to be on my own with the kids both days all day.

I don't know how women do this. How they have jobs and take care of the kids on their own. They are super hero's to me.

I guess I should not bitch and moan and be grateful I have kids to take care of and a house and a job. It is just so hard
to find balance sometimes. Balance. That is my problem. I am a Libra and need balance. I think my life is out of balance
and it makes me feel worse and over whelmed.

I feel bad I was in such a crapy mood last night. I barked at everyone. Ayden got another level Zero so I have to take him
to Wal-Mart tonight to get pokemon cards. He is so excited. Who have guess a boy who could not get below a level 3 before
Christmas would be getting Zero's EVERYDAY. I am gona be broke but a deal is a deal. I said 3 zero's in a row cards and 5 zero's
in a row is McDonalds.

Now we have to work out something at home. He and Gracie have been really saucy lately. Ayden and I have this problem with
video games. I call him again and again to come up to eat or homework or what ever and I get "just a second Mom I need to
finish this level and I can stop cause I can't save it yet" if I say no come now (which he never does the first time or some times second or third) he gets so mad. Stomping up the stairs yelling. Last night I started calling him to come up and it took Sean coming home going down and flicking off
the TV for him to come. Then Ayden was so mad. I did not do homework with him. I said Sean he is sitting here yelling at me
because he never got to finish the level, I don't need this shit you do the homework.

My friend on the bus and I were walking from the station and I said thank god another day done. She said you know we should not say that and wish way our days. Got me thinking she is right.

Sometimes I feel like I am lost in the woods and it is cold and the wind is blowing. I am standing in front of all these different paths. I just don't know which way to go. I just want my Mother to whisper in my ear and give me some guidance. Boy I really do miss my mom. I wish there was a phone connection to heaven.

Ok now that I am more depressed I will close for now

Queenie

Ok I could scream, I wrote this big long blog and went to hit the back space key to delete something and it disappeared !!! UUUUUGGGGGG

From now on I am only writing in Word and pasting it in….

Ok where was I…. I copied and read a blog of a person who had a black lab. For some reason not only can I not find the papers I printed out but I forgot to book mark the page… I wanted to have a doggy conversation with her. I don’t know anyone else with a lab…..

My Dad had the kids mostly all weekend. Sean played hookie on Saturday. He and I have opposite days off so we are never home together. Since the kids were gone we decided to hang out. I let him lay around in bed for awhile in the morning but by 10 I got him up to help me clean up.

You would think I was asking him to cure cancer. He bitched and moaned. I said you know I usually do all this by myself. Hopefully he will be more helpful when he has his days off when I ask him to help me out by cleaning something…. Men……

I laid around in bed till 10am on Sunday. God it felt good. I have not been able to sleep in like that in so long. I just laid there thinking yeah I should get up, naaaaaaa. I tidied up the downstairs and did a little scrapbooking.

Gota not be such a push over with my son. Last night I was thinking if the 911 Nannies were here I would be in such shit.
I think I might have said “ok I said wrap it up “ with the video games about a dozen times. I told myself kick the kids out at this time then do homework bath ect. I being the push over did not enforce it and the kids were there till 7pm. Ayden did not end up in bed till 9pm.

That is crappy because I want them in bed by 8pm so I have an hour to myself in the evening before bed. They are so saucy too. I really need to get my shit together with these kids. I just wish Sean was home with me more when the kids are there. It would be great to have a partner who can stop me from the “ok just a little bit longer”

Gross but my dog threw up on my foot this weekend. It was funny though in a way because he was just sitting at my feet while I folded laundry and my foot got hot and wet. I looked down and there it is… (no visual ad needed) he just kinda moved his head and went back to sleep. Great, it is a good thing Mommy has a strong stomach.

I am so tired today. I make progress I catching up on my sleep on the weekend then last night I flick on the TV when I go to bed. I watched Grey’s Anatomy. Up till 11pm. I get up at 5am so it is not a good idea. Now I am sitting here yawning……

Wanted to say that it is too bad Hockey Mom deactivated herself.
If she happens to log on to read, it would be nice to have here back.

Ok gota run and pretend to work

Later Bloggers

Queenie

Thought I would post this quick funny

Ayden has been getting a lot of Level Zero's in school

(that is a good thing, your level is based on your behaviour zero warning up to five where you are in big trouble note home, prinipal office ect. Ayden was currently crusing around a level 3-4 on a daily basis)

Anyway, we were celebrating and I took him out to McDonalds.

We decided if he got 3 zero's in a row he would get a pack of Pokemon cards and 5 zero's in a row is dinner at McD's.

He says " Mom I have figured it out"

I said figured what out?

"Why I have been getting zero's"

Ok why

"It must have been Santa he put some magic in me and made me gooder"

I laughed and I said No Ayden you are just a good boy

"no Mom that is not it, it was definetly Santa!"

Queenie