I feel terrible today. It just has not been a good week. My headaches are coming back again......

Last weekend I was not feeling well. The weekends is when I do my big clean of my house as during the week there is just no time. Anyway, I did a bit of tiding up but not much. The other problem is the power head is broken in the vacuum and the other head for it is more for tiles so does not really give it a good clean. We have not be able to fix the power head again (as it has gone a few times) plus I can not afford a new vacuum.

Anyways, my brother and his partner came up for a visit. His partner is allergic to animals (we have a big dog, 3 guinea pigs, hamster, 2 rabbits and 2 lizards) so you would think he would take an allergy pill before he came. So they came on Saturday night for a while and left to sleep at my sister in laws house (she has no pets). The next day they come over and all I hear is how there is so much pet dander around the house and all they can smell is dog.

I can’t smell it but maybe that is also because I am used to the dog.

Then my brother mentions how messy my house is. That I need to work on a routine for cleaning and not getting overwhelmed with it all. I am thinking in my head, “are you f**ing kidding me?” I am so stressed and tired and overwhelmed and I need to –work on it- no shit Sherlock.

We had gone to the pumpkin farm with them and my sister in law and her son. We meet up with my fathers wife’s son and his family. I instantly felt guilty for not including them and asking them to join us all. My brother and sister in law are like why do we need to invite them? My sister in law knew they were coming today. I was thinking why am I the bad guy most of the time in the family and here is an example of me not including someone because I forgot while the others just did not want to……

Then my sisters husband and her daughter and mother were there. I do NOT get along with my sister or her husband at all. So Gracie ran over before I could grab her. Aimett (sister in law) is friendly with them all so she went over with her son to say hello. They completely ignored Gracie and I called her away to continue on to where we were going.

Later on in the evening while we were home, my sister Heather called freaking on my brother because he did not say Hello to her husband. Really. Now if Jeff (the husband) does not speak to you it is ok, but if you do not speak to him it is you insulting him and ignoring him boo hoo. I stayed out of it. Heather ended up turning it all around and making it look like Aimett (who is in the middle because she is friendly with all of us) was the one who caused all the drama.

Flash forward to last night……

I am feeling very sick by the time I pick up the kids. I have been getting headaches off/on a lot lately. This one was on the verge of a migraine with I also suffer from occasionally. I was feeling sick to my stomach.

I get into the house with the kids and go into the kitchen to make dinner which I do not want to do. All I want to do is go to bed. The kids start,
“can I go to my friends house” I say no we have to do homework and have dinner, you have chores to do and pets to feed. Besides the fact they say I am going to a friends house and 10 minutes later a trail of kids swarms in my house. I was just not in the mood for all of them.

Gracie whined for a bit but stopped when she started to color. Ayden went on and on and on and on. I said Ayden stop you are not going out, WHY MOMMY I REALLY WANT TO GO IT IS NOT FAIR I WANT TO PLAY WITH MY FRIENDS YOU ARE MEAN I HATE YOU whine whine voice.

This went on for about a half hour then I snapped

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE PACK YOUR BAG AND GO SLEEP AT YOUR FRIENDS HOUSE” I went over and opened the front door.

He is looking at me “can I go then”

YEAH AND STAY THERE

But I only want to visit not sleep there

BUT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO LISTEN TO ME AND YOU WANT TO BE RUDE TO ME YOU CAN GO AND LIVE THERE

He does not move but is thinking about it. Now my headache is all encompassing. My head almost feels light headed and the pain is searing.
Now I know I feel so bad but I am also so mad. I am standing there thinking Dr. Phil said you teach people how to treat you, where did I go wrong with Ayden? How did I teach him it is ok for him to be rude to me and his father?

He starts with the YOU HATE ME. I think oh god now he is gona turn on the drama. I can’t handle this. He starts being very saucy and rude.

I give in.

I say go and come home when your father comes home (which is in like 30 minutes) so he leaves and comes back 5 minutes later. His buddy is not there now can he try another friend. He goes and comes back in another 5 minutes. It is now almost 10 minutes before Sean comes home. Can I go try another friend? I am like no your father will be here in 10 minutes so you need to eat now.

I make his dinner and his is complaining the whole time. I am ignoring him now because I don’t want to argue with him. Sean walks in the door. He comes over to me and takes one look at me and says what is going on? Ayden starts. I said to Sean I am so frustrated. He starts trying to talk to Ayden which of course turns into a yelling match. Ayden runs up stairs with the YOU GUYS HATE ME.

When I went up stairs later on to get them into bed he came into my room to talk about his Pokemon Cards. He is going on and on for at least a ½ hour about this card and that and all this information. I am telling him you see Ayden I really like talking to you like this, your tone and manners are excellent. I hugged him and told him I loved him.

That is the thing with Ayden, one minute his is so saucy you want to slap him and the next minute he is a sweet nice boy.

So today I feel crappy about that…..

I have a wedding to go to on Saturday with Sean for his nephew. I am so dreading it but it means a lot to Sean so I want to go for him.

The problem is partly my brother and his partner are suppose to baby-sit over night. But he said on the weekend I really need to clean up my house before they come back and either rent a steam cleaner or use the power shop vac on the floors. So now I think when am I gona find the time to CLEAN THE HOUSE before Saturday morning? Plus I worry they will tie up my dog all day and night which will drive the dog crazy.

My hair is terrible but my friend is going to do it tonight so that is a positive thing.

Nothing to wear and no money to buy anything. My niece lent me a really nice dress that fits me but does not flatter me at all. I have no time to shop even at Value Village. My sister in law said she would go with me to try to find something and if not wear the other dress because it is –ok-.
I have not seen Sean’s family in a long long time and I really did not want them to see me fat and in a not flattering dress. But what do I do?

I feel this pressure at the ask of my head and I know my headache is gona come back. I am going to my friends house tonight to get my hair done in the city and I will be sleeping over at her house. I have to look at that as my mini vacation.

I need a plan, I need a vacation, I want my Mom……..

Queenie