Hello Mom,

Well just when I thought things couldn't get worse....

Big fight with Heather today from work that was a lot of raised voices and tears and mean things and ended with her dramatic never wanting to speak to me or my kids ever again.

I guess what started today’s fight was an email I sent to her. I sent it because last night she was here with Aimett to plan the wedding shower. Ayden had had his tamogotchi stolen at school and he was really upset. He reacted typically as you would expect an eight year old to react. He was very upset and wanted me to get him another one. I was trying to talk to him about it and Heather kept saying things like "why should your mother buy you a new one, you don't respect the toys you have, what lesson would she be teaching you, you are spoiled, bla bla bla. I said he did not loose it someone stole it. So anyways , she was mad because she had taken them out for mcd and kite flying and he didn’t tell her thank you. I asked him and he said he did but he is quite and maybe she did not hear him.

It did not stop there. I was making invitations on the computer and the kids kept interrupting. Like kids do. I said they are driving me crazy and she is like "that is because your kids run this house and run you" I was pissed but I did not say anything.

So at work today I was talking to my friend and decided to type my sister an email because generally we do not do well with communication on the phone. I wrote the first copy and my friend thought it a bit soft and helped me pump it up to sound more confident. I am not blaming her for anything mind you, I chose to do the changes. Here is the email I sent
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Heather,

I wanted to get something off of my chest.

Yesterday when you were at my house I was very upset at the way you treated Ayden. I don't feel it is appropriate for anyone, let alone their aunt to treat him that way.

You were going on and on and frankly I have had about enough of you stating how misbehaved or spoiled my kids are.
You are entitled to your opinion but the way you expressed yourself was terrible, it left me questioning who is the child.

Ayden does have feelings - I think you may have forgotten that.
Let's put things in perspective - Ayden is eight, he had something very valuable to him stolen, he was upset. You act as though his reactions are unreasonable or odd. I didn't think they were.

If you disagree with the way my children are raised that is fine, you should speak with me (in private) and I am open to listen to ideas for parenting or to listen to constructive criticism.

Your comment that my kids run my house and run me also hurt me. You have so many negative things to say and yet as my sister you never ask : Kenna do you need help with anything? Are you o.k.? I noticed you seem stressed?, what is going on to make you feel so over whelmed but to just judge me? You show me no love, support or friendship any more and now it is branching out to my kids and I won't sit and watch you treat them like you treat me.

It just made me think, if I came into your house and said hello to Kirsten and she did not answer me or did not talk, how would you feel if I turned around and said to her " hey what is wrong with you? are you so spoiled brat that you don't speak to people? That is rude and you really need to get some manners". How would you and Jeff react? Freak out? Tell me to mind my own business?

I wonder if it has more to do with you and me then you and them. You and I have not been close for years now and it seems that is the way it is meant to be for what ever reason. We deal civilly with each other but have not been friends for a long time. If that is the way it is going to be that is fine just don't take it out on the kids if something about me was bothering you. Maybe someday we will sit and hammer out our differences but this is not the time or the place.

I am not saying that I don't want you to spend time with the kids because they really enjoy that. I am also not saying you can not help out correcting them when they need it, I just want you to stop and think before you react and see if you are justified in your remarks before you say them.

Kenna

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Needless to say it went over like a ton of bricks. Problem was as she was freaking out all this stuff from like long ago was all brought up. And it was like talking to Dad's EVERYONE says my kids are brats but I think everyone is wrong, I want to be the center of the universe and alienate her from everyone. I am like are you kidding? Do you think you take up so much of my time? I am apparently jealous of Dad's relationship with Jeff (her husband) and am mad he likes Jeff better then Sean. Oh please I don't think so.

She is like EVERYBODY is talking about you and all these things you do and say ect ect. It was about a half hour conversation. It was brutal. You would never know we were ever friends once upon a time. She was so angry and resentful. Bringing up like last Christmas you did this..... I was like are you kidding? Do you write this stuff down?

I said you know you said those terrible things to me about Mom dying do you still mean them and she is like yes. I said it is ok for you to say all those mean things because you said them in anger but if I said something to you in anger is it not ok? She said when she comes to my house she tries so hard not to talk to me or have any conversation with me at all but she started to and she is sorry that she did.

It was bad. I ended up in the bathroom at my work balling. My friends came in to try to calm me down and then I was super embarrassed because I was at my desk and people heard.

I was holding in tears the rest of the day at work. I came home and ate chocolate which I know is stupid because it gives me migraines plus I am already heavy so it does not help.

I am so scared of getting depressed again. Slipping back there. I don't want that to happen. I called the employee assistance program to ask for counseling. I also called the local bereavement help line to find a support group.

God everything is so much harder with out you here to help us fix it. I don't know who or what I am anymore. I have so much doubts about myself. Am I as horrible as "they" say I am?

I don't know what to do Ma, I feel so alone. I would give just about anything to talk to you right now. I miss you Mom. I wish so bad I had advice from you.

I am starting to cry again and I don't want the kids to see me so I have to go now.....